My emotional healing journey through silent tears, faith, and not giving up
There are stories we tell the world… and then there are the untold chapters. This is one of mine
🌿 Today Broke Me (Emotional Healing Journey)
Good afternoon my beautiful readers 💚
Today has been a lot for me mentally, emotionally, and physically.
Today I realized that I got to go back to therapy. Not having nobody to talk to… not really having anybody to vent to… honestly, it broke me today.
And sometimes… it’s just so hard.
But I’m trying to figure it all out, right?
Life is just life… and it’s hard. The more harder it becomes… the more I feel like I’m being knocked down.
But I’m still showing up.
I’m still here.
And that alone… is a blessing.
💭 Questioning God When Life Doesn’t Make Sense
Some things I don’t get.
When stuff happens, I try to figure it all out.
Is this a part of God’s plan?
Why is God taking me through this?
Why does it feel like punishment?
I remember last year… when I got sick…
And I kept asking God:
“What did I do?”
I started replaying everything…
Things I did as a kid… things I regret… trying to find answers.
But the truth is…
I never found the answer.
Even after God brought me out of it… even after healing…
Sometimes I still don’t understand.
And it leaves me with a thousand questions in my head.
🌪️ When Life Is Loud and You Can’t Hear God
Life be loud.
The house is loud.
Social media is loud.
Everything around me is loud.
So how do you hear God’s voice?
That’s what frustrates me.
Because I’m praying… but I don’t always see anything.
I’m trying my best.
And when He does come through… I’m thankful.
But the waiting?
That part is hard.
😔 Storytime: Silent Tears and Silent Screams
Today was my breaking point.
I was crying… walking… silent tears.
The kind where nobody sees you.
The same silent battles we fight every day.
The silent screams in your head…
Where only you and God can hear it.
Maria’s bike caught a flat.
We didn’t even make it where we were going.
That alone made me mad.
Rayshawn was riding.
I gave Maria my bike.
And I walked… pushing her bike.
And those tears?
They started falling one by one.
And in my head I’m saying:
“God… what is going on?”
“Why is it always a battle?”
“I can’t take this anymore.”
I slowed down on purpose.
wasn’t even trying to make it home.
I just needed time with God
🌧️ Walking, Crying, and Talking to God
When we got close to our street Jackson Street I told the kids to go ahead.
I kept walking.
Slow steps.
Because I needed that moment.
Just me and God.
Trying to figure it all out.
Trying to make sense of everything.
Because I really thought…
I was done with battles.
I thought I was done fighting.
But God said… there’s more.
💔 Disappointment: The Job I Didn’t Get
I finally made it home.
And I told myself:
“Go check that job. Call them. See what’s going on.”
I had an interview for a whole hour.
I really thought I got it.
But I got that email…
“We chose other candidates.”
That hurt me.
Bad.
I told Rayshawn to put the bikes up.
And I went to take a shower.
And I cried.
Again.
🚿 Breaking Down… Then Building Myself Back Up
After that shower…
I wiped my tears.
And I told myself:
“You can’t cry no more.”
“You going to figure it out.”
Even though I told God:
“I don’t know how…”
I still chose to believe.
🌱 God Answered Me… Through My Plants
Then I walked outside…
And what did I see?
All my plants.
Growing.
Every single one.
Over 30 plants…
Sprouting.
Watermelon growing.
Baby carrots coming in… and it’s only been a week.
And right there…
I saw it.
Hope.
Faith.
Patience.
Because I prayed for that.
I asked God to show me growth.
And He did.
Even on my worst day.
✨ What God Was Showing Me
God knew…
Seeing those plants grow…
Was going to make me feel better.
And it did.
It reminded me:
Keep going.
This is temporary.
Even bad days don’t last forever.
🙏🏾 What I Realized Today
Today made me realize:
✔ I need to go back to therapy
✔ I need to find a new church home
✔ I need to keep fighting
Because God already brought me out of my darkest time…
From the needles…
from, the blood transfusions…
from the pills…
He healed me.
I can’t give up now.
🎸 Still Showing Up: Day 8 of My Guitar Journey
Yesterday was Day 7.
Today is Day 8.
And I’m going to be honest…
I don’t feel like playing.
But I made a promise to myself.
30 days.
No matter what.
Because no matter what comes my way…
I’m determined.
💬 Motivational Reminder
💬 “You may cry. You may break. But don’t you ever stop walking.”
💚 Final Reflection: Keep Walking Anyway
We might have bad chapters…
But our story is still being written.
Even through silent tears… silent screams…
You keep going,
keep pushing,
keep loving yourself,
You keep working on your goals,
No matter what.
🙌🏾 A Moment of Reflection
God…
Today was heavy.
I didn’t understand I questioned You. I cried.
But thank You for not leaving me.
Thank You for reminding me through my plants… that You are still working.
Even when I don’t see it.
Give me strength to keep going.
Give me peace in the waiting.
And remind me… that I am not alone.
Amen.
My story isn’t perfect, but it’s real and I’m still standing, still growing, and still becoming.
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